Welcome to My New Local Blog

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

The Narcissist, Being Stalked & Netflix

We have all been there the dreaded actually I don’t want to be with you anymore….

But this break up came after months of being controlled and being told what to think and what to do.

At first it was great totally love bombed being told how inspirational I was, clever, kind and after a couple of months the L word came…it was like being wrapped up inside a whirlwind. Me being me went along with it and after a short few months agreed to move in with her, given all the affection and love shown what could go wrong.

So I moved in with her as she didn’t want to move away from her friends and family she lived close to work and she didn’t want to travel. So I moved miles away from my daughter, my friends and my work. Consistently being reassured it will work out and nothing will change.

Surprise everything did change, not long after she said she needed a new car. Which was fine but she wanted a top of the range Audi. Weekend after weekend we searched garages to find the one she wanted.

Then it started the expectation of having all my wages transferred into her bank. The house bills were a huge expense and she did all the shopping and decided what we did with my daughter at the weekend. Consistently being told I am hopeless with money so she needed to have control of it. As the months went by I was left with nothing she had even stated buying my clothes and she would decide on what my daughter clothes as well. Too ashamed to tell my family and friends I stayed because I felt trapped.

The comments became more frequent I was lazy, my hair was a mess, in the end I had totally lost who I was and I felt like I was losing everyone around me. So I told her I was leaving I had no money, no home, no belongings but I felt so free.

With thanks to my friends I slept in spare beds, caravans, the odd hotels. It was hard but it was a better life I was regaining control of my own life again.

Eventually I found somewhere to live and then the stalking started. Message after message to myself my friends and my family. Threats to kill herself and letters through my door. When I discovered she had access to my emails, Facebook account, wats app and everything else I decided to get the police involved I felt like I was a prisoner in my own home, scared to open the door. I came off social media and stopped using my emails I began to feel more isolated and controlled than ever. She had also had a GPS tracker on my phone so it had been a campaign of stalking since we first met, this violation of my privacy gave me a great deal of anxiety.

The last and final contact she made was the weirdest and I think the scariest, she added three extra profiles on my Netflix, I contacted the police because I wasn’t sure what she would do next.

So a word of warning be happy, fall in love but be cautious, lead can be hidden in gold.

All This Time & We Are Still Living In Darkness

In the groundbreaking book, Clifford Beers tells what it was like to be institutionalized at a time when mental illness received little attention or respect. “A Mind that Found Itself” is Clifford Beers’ own story, as one of five children who all suffered psychological distress and were all confined to mental institutions at one time or another. Beers, who wrote the book after his own confinement, gained the support of the medical profession and was a leader in the mental hygiene movement. “A Mind that Found Itself” has been an inspiration to many mental health professionals in their choice of a profession. It also did much to help the rest of the world see mental health issues as a serious disease. “A Mind that Found Itself” is an excellent read for anyone seeking to better understand, or treat, mental illness.

Clifford Bears attempted to take his own life by jumping out of his bedroom window. He survived and was then treated in the most appalling manner in mental health institutions. Clifford Bears is the godfather of giving an understanding of mental health is an illness rather than a punishable offence.

All these years people who suffer with mental health problems are treated with stigma and lack of understanding as it is not a visible illness.

Help Me My Leg Is Hanging Off It’s OK You Just Need To Pull Yourself Together

A common reaction is you need to pull yourself together or just ignore it. The pain from having mental health problems can be as real and disabling as a physical illness. Lack of understanding by peers and medical professions contributes to this and rather than listening and understanding it feels like it’s easier to pretend that everything is fine.

Just remember you are not on your own. If you need to talk the Samaritans are always open

If You Can Be Anything Be Kind To Yourself

In the wake of Caroline Flack’s passing, it comes to pass again that depression does kill. In the UK approximately 16 people die everyday by taking their own lives.

If you are feeling low you are not alone please do call someone and just talk…when you feel depressed everything feels hopeless and I know you might feel like nothing will help but please do pick up the phone:

Visualisation techniques can also help, here are some I have found helpful:

Heaven Of Hell

Hellish Situation:

Heavenly Thoughts:

Hell Of Heaven

Heavenly Situation:

Hellish Thoughts:

And Breathe….

Clouded Thoughts

Thoughts come and go across our minds like clouds in the sky. Some bigger than others, some wispy others round, some oval. Maybe a rain cloud…

Draw more clouds of your own and write down your thoughts. Watch them come and go against the blue sky of your mind.
Headspace is a great app which aids good mental health… https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app

Hopefully this has been helpful, other helplines which offer support are….

The Long Term Effect of Adverse Childhood Experiences

Slide from Kaiser’s study presentation on ACE’s

What is an Adverse Childhood Experience ?

• physical abuse.

• sexual abuse.

• emotional abuse.

• mental illness of a household member.

• problematic drinking or alcoholism of a household member.

• illegal street or prescription drug use by a household member.

• divorce or separation of a parent.

• domestic violence towards a parent.

Imagine you have one point for every ACE, the more ACE’s you have the more likely you are to experience physical and mental health problems in adulthood.

Research from Wales found that people who reported experiencing four or more ACES are:

• 4x more likely to be a high-risk drinker

• 16x more likely to have used crack cocaine or heroin

• 6x increased risk of never or rarely feeling optimistic

• 3x increased risk of heart disease, respiratory disease and type 2 diabetes

• 15x more likely to have committed violence

• 14x more likely to have been victim of violence in the last 12 months

• 20x more likely to have been in prison at any point in their life

Research also shows that ACE’s can be inter-generational so the circle of ACE’s can continue, it is crucial that this circle is stopped by help and support to adults and safeguarding children at risk.

Research has been completed around the number of adults who have had ACE’s:

More than 60 percent of adults report having had at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), and almost 25 percent report three or more, according to a study published online Sept. 17 in JAMA Pediatrics.20 Sep 2018

Be ACE Aware….

With Silence As My Witness

By the time I had reached the age of 5 years old I had already suffered years of sexual abuse by male members of our family and emotional, verbal and physical abuse by my mother. The biggest power these people had over me was silence. I was groomed into not speaking so much so that I neglected to speak until I was three, the delayed speech prompted a referral to speech and language but seemingly no one asked why I wasn’t speaking.

The 12 year old me saw a new dawn of horror. My mum had recently been sectioned after witnessing endless days of crying and threats to end her life. After my mum was discharged from hospital the domestic violence started. My mother would suddenly begin hitting my dad, calling him names and swearing at him. These outbursts could happen at any time even whilst he was driving.

At this point I had been so well groomed not to speak it was almost an instinct within me. I was repeatedly told the bad fairies would take me away and as I got older this rhetoric continued. I began hallucinating at the age of 12 with verbal and auditory hallucinations. Again being told it was ghosts however if I did speak about it people would think I was mad and I would be taken away. As a consequence I have kept my silence all these years I have kept it in and know I am not even sure why.

For 41 years the most powerful tool of silence had continued, the control had morphed to make me feel I had no power and I was merely an actor in someone else’s film. I dared not speak about the things which happened as I thought it unfair to bring it to someone else’s mind and beside they would think me a fantasist or that I was recalling the events in an unfair light.

At the age of 41 I went to the GP as I believed I had skin cancer again. This prompted a look through my medical notes and sat in black and white from 1984 it was there, it was all there. The sexual abuse was written on like another disease or symptom I had, a referral to social services around my mum not being able to cope and the referral for delayed speech. The GP tried her best to hide this information from me and apologised as it would being back uncomfortable memories. She failed to recall that I had seen her nine weeks previously and I complained of having flash backs from sexual abuse which occurred when I was a child. She had promptly given me a sick note from work and sent me on my way.

As uncomfortable and as harrowing these conversations are they need to happen. Thousands of people have suffered trauma as a child and they keep their silence potentially for different reasons to me. However as long as someone is kept silent the power continues and the abuse continues within the mind.

Helplines which I have found helpful are:

NSPCC (non-recent child abuse): 08085008000

NAPAC: 0808 801 0331

Samaritans: 116 123

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

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